Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of trying and failing.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

The sadness was still there.

Did another parent ever tell you something about your child that you didn’t know?

It’s still here.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I had run out of hope.

Are there really people who still believe the Earth is flat?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Mom Spotted a Growing Bump Near 3-Year-Old Daughter’s Eye. Then Came the Phone Call that Changed Their Lives (Exclusive) - AOL.com

You are like me, then.

And the sadness?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Crypto Bros Celebrate Themselves at Bitcoin’s Most MAGA Convention Yet - Rolling Stone

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

I was tired of fighting.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Steelers sign Aaron Rodgers, pending a physical - NBC Sports

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Simone Biles spars with Riley Gaines on social media over trans athlete debate - New York Post

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Traders Scour for ‘Elusive’ Catalyst to Push S&P 500 to Record - Bloomberg

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Why do entitled people demand that I pick up after my doggo when he goes to the bathroom? Do they not know that doggy doo decomposes & feeds the plants?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Travis Kelce Salutes Taylor Swift for Buying Her Masters Back, 'It's Finally Hers' - Bleacher Report

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Be who you already are.